Loki, Merely Mortal
by Loki's Lies
Summary: First fic, hope it's okay! Pretty much, Loki is banished to Midgard, has a rough time, meets some enemies, gets slapped around a little, makes some friends, gets some hugs, betrays everyone, gets some more hugs, and is finally able to forgive himself.
1. Chapter 1

"Mjolnir or the woman?" Loki asked, grinning devilishly.

"That's not a fair question," Thor chuckled, "comparing a hammer to a living, breathing human being."

Loki shook his head. "Like comparing a raindrop to a hurricane."

Thor's smile froze on his face. "Brother—" he began, but was interrupted by a small noise of protest. "Brother," he said again, loudly, forcefully, "You will learn to see them as I do. You can learn to love them."

"And if I do?" Loki inquired coolly, "I'm a monster to them."

"One of the magnificent things about them is how accepting they are," Thor replied, smiling fondly and gazing off into the distance, no doubt thinking of the mortal, Jane Foster, whom he had grown quite close to over the past few months.

"You say 'accepting', I say 'stupid'," Loki replied, "I do not know why I even deign to play this petty mortal game with you."

"_Would You Rather?_" Thor asked, "Jane taught it to me. It's a good pastime, is it not?"

"The concept is interesting, but in reality it's full of holes."

"Holes like what?" Thor asked jovially. Loki thought he was a little too eager to jump back into his "big brother" role again; to act like nothing had ever happened, like Loki hadn't tried to kill Thor and everyone he loved, including himself. It could be his undoing.

_The problem is that I think like a villain, _Loki mused, _Always have. It's in my blood, something that Thor refuses to acknowledge. The darkness is not merely skin deep. It runs like ice through my veins. Such is my curse; Loki Laufeyson. _

"It's so shot full of holes I can't begin to grasp at it for what little substance it has." Loki responded.

Thor gave him a winning smile and a hearty laugh. "Then give an example."

"One should not be able to dodge a question, but you just did." Loki replied resentfully.

"Well, you did not ask it right!" Thor grinned enthusiastically. Loki sighed.

"Would you rather be a mortal with the woman or wield Mjolnir, the hammer that gives you your power, but never be able to see her again?"

"I would rather be with Jane," Thor said matter-of-factly. Loki scoffed. Thor patted him on the chest. "Come, your trial is nigh."

Loki stood up, and Thor signaled the guard to open the barred doors. "I still think you're crazy," he laughed humorlessly.

"And I still think you were only temporarily so." Thor replied.

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat." Loki shot back.

"Please refrain from making those types of comments at the Council. It will not help your case," Thor said half-seriously.

"Nor will it help your reputation to be my defense councilor." Loki sneered.

"Come now, we'll have you straightened out yet. I trust you, brother." Thor stopped him and looked deep into his eyes. Loki flinched and uttered a wordless protest when he said "brother". He squeezed his eyes tightly shut so that Thor could not search them for any imagined remnants of love.

Speaking slowly and struggling to keep his temper in check, he seethed, "If you _trust _me so…then why am I chained? Why am I not allowed access to my magics?"

"Because you have not yet learned to trust yourself," his so-called brother replied softly, before grabbing him by the elbow and leading him once more to the Council.

"I can only assume that the prosecution councilor must be someone I know, as unwilling as you are to mention him." Loki came at Thor from a different angle, relentlessly trying to find a soft spot, an advantage. _Villain! _The Odinson in his mind said, as it often did lately. As usual, the Laufeyson drove this voice out with sweet whispers. _You owe him nothing. He was not your family. You owe your family nothing. They did not love you. Your only responsibility is to yourself. _

"She, actually," Thor replied awkwardly, "The Lady Sif seems to have taken great offense at your betrayal."

"_She _betrayed _me_!" Loki snarled, "You all did!"

Thor ran a hand through his hair self-consciously as they reached the Council building. "I'm sure this is difficult for you, br—Loki, and I cannot begin to imagine your pain. But we all love you. We _do_. You had a nasty shock, that's all. But we can get over this together." Thor grabbed his shoulders and shook them slightly. "I don't care what they say, and I don't care who you think you are. In all the ways that matter, you are my brother, and I love you."

Thor pulled Loki to him in a short hug, barely half a second. Loki heard the sound of rattling chains and cursed internally as he realized that his hands had twitched. Had it not been for the shackles around his wrists, he might have returned Thor's hug. Out of reflex, surely.

Thor pulled open the door for Loki, and the two of them proceeded into a long corridor lined with four doors on each side. Wordlessly, they entered the first room on the left and glanced around, having never actually been in the defense's consultation room before. There was a small table with two chairs, a window, a water cooler, and some cups. Thor pulled out a chair for Loki, who sat down. The damned cuffs were leeching away at his dignity. They could have a least had the decency to lock his hands in front of him, instead of behind, and surely they could have found a longer chain. The space between cuffs was terribly short and Loki had been stuck with his shoulders wrenched in an awful position for about a day.

Thor sat across from him and shifted uncomfortably; he was much too big for his chair. Loki leaned back. "Time?" he asked.

Needing no clarification, Thor answered, "We have perhaps ten minutes."

Loki arched an eyebrow. "Charges?"

Thor pulled a rumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and smoothed it out on the table. "Murder of 80 mortals, destruction of a mortal town, undeserved threatening of mortals, stealing the Casket, harboring enemies, conspiring with enemies, treason, attempting to kill a god-" he stopped and caught Loki's eyes with a smile that said, "Hey, that was me! _I'm _the god you tried to kill!" before continuing. "-bypassing the bifrost, tyranny, assaulting the gatekeeper, inciting riots, misusing magic, attempted genocide, and lying under oath."

"What? Lying under oath?" Loki asked incredulously.

"I'm just assuming you will," Thor chuckled.

"Yes, of course, but I shan't be caught, honestly, the way you underestimate me!" He could have used those words as a jab, but he chose to play to Thor's clumsy attempts at brotherhood, so he said them in a light, mockingly sarcastic voice. Thor's smile widened further. "Are there any other made-up charges in there?" Loki asked, even though he knew that the rest were real.

"No, but I can add some if you like," Thor said as he pantomimed writing on the paper, "How about public nudity, jaywalking, prostitution, spitting on the sidewalk, and sexual harassment of a potted plant?"

Loki laughed, and it wasn't merely to set Thor at ease. It was a genuine laugh, one that brought tears to his eyes. "Sexual harassment of a potted plant?"

"Just the first thing I thought of," Thor beamed, pleased with Loki's laughter.

"Yes, it sounds as if you have experience in such matters," Loki quipped.

"Nay! I am always completely professional around all forms of shrubberies!" Thor boomed. This was, of course, the exact moment that one of the jurors walked into the room accidentally. He stared like he thought Thor was mentally unwell.

Loki sat up imperiously and remarked, "I do believe, good sir, that the room you are looking for is located two doors down on this side of the hallway. Be sure to have a pleasant day."

"Th-thank you," he muttered and backed out of the room quickly, his eyes fixed on the two gods.

Thor looked after him mournfully. "You shouldn't traumatize the man; your fate is in his hands."

"No," Loki said giddily, "My fate is in _my _hands. Besides, I was perfectly polite!"

"You're on trial for mass murder! I doubt the man's expecting you to say 'be sure to have a pleasant day.'" Thor chortled.

Loki sighed quietly. "Yes, well, what should I have said, 'have a pleasant day or else I will drop you off of the rainbow bridge and set you on fire'?"

Thor considered this for a moment. "Maybe you should just not talk."

"If you put that cursed metal gag over my mouth again I will drop all pretenses of friendship!" he snapped coldly, even as he scolded himself that Thor had merely been teasing.

"'Twas a joke, brother" Thor mumbled, leaning back and blinking rapidly as if waking from a trance.

Too proud to apologize to Thor, and too smart to insult his defense councilor, Loki deftly changed the subject. "What is the maximum penalty for these charges?"

Thor frowned grimly. "Execution."

Loki knew this had been coming, but Thor looked so damn upset that he found himself joking, "Well, as long as I'm not being strapped to a boulder while snake venom drips in my eyes. We all know how _that_ turns out."

Thor smiled sadly but fondly. "Ah, the mortals and their stories."

Loki grinned devilishly. "I'm quite insulted, really, that I lead the inhabitants of Hel into battle."

Thor looked puzzled. "Of all the bizarre things they have recorded you doing in mythology, _that _was the most insulting?"

"Well I admit the horse is a close second."

Thor sputtered with laughter. "I remember the first time you heard that story! You refused to be seen around colts for more than a fortnight!"

"Yes, yes, it's all so _severely _funny," Loki said petulantly.

Thor grinned and opened his mouth to say something else, but at that moment, light shone through the window in a way that illuminated only Loki, flashing off of the metal chair. Thor grimaced. "It is time."

Loki blinked. "I think I'm blind."

"The trial always starts directly after the defendant is bathed in light. It signals hope for redemption." Thor scolded, even though Loki already knew this bit of trivia.

"What signals the defendant getting his eyesight back?" Loki groused.

"I've heard a hard smack to the back of the head works wonders," Thor jokingly threatened.

"I can see!" Loki cried in mock triumph, "It's a miracle!"

"Perhaps I should hit you anyway; just to be sure it sticks." Thor smirked.

"No, you're too kind, really, but that's quite alright," he replied delicately. Thor smiled and patted him affectionately on the arm before standing up and hauling Loki to his feet.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki was still blinking rapidly as they entered the courtroom, so Thor nudged him and murmured "Quit it. You look insane."

"The _light _shone _right in my face!_" Loki protested, "And besides, I thought we were pleading temporary insanity."

"Yes, well, typically when one pleads temporary insanity, it's implied that they are now _sane! _If you keep blinking like that, Sif's going to think you are trying to seduce her!"

Loki paused. "Yes, do you think that would work?"

"No I do not," Thor sighed, "Now stop making a spectacle of yourself."

He pulled out the defendant's chair and Loki slumped into it, kicking his feet up to rest on the defendant's table. "You are insufferable," Thor grumbled as he batted Loki's feet down before taking his seat next to him.

Thor glanced across the room at Sif, who was sitting in the prosecution chair along with Heimdall. Loki leaned toward him and whispered, "Who d'you suppose is guarding the rainbow bridge?"

"No," Thor responded firmly, still trying to catch Sif's eyes, "Whatever you're planning, _no_."

"I hadn't gotten to the planning part yet. I was merely scheming."

Thor ignored his brother, having finally locked eyes with Sif, and gave her a small smile. She did not smile back, but raised a hand in greeting. Thor knew exactly what was going on in her head. She wanted to greet him, but they were currently opposing each other. She would be perfectly cheerful towards him after this was all over.

Thor's heart sank as he heard Odin's staff hit the floor. The trial had begun. "Loki Laufeyson," Odin exclaimed with a long-suffering expression on his face. Thor felt Loki flinch ever so slightly at this, and immediately stood up. "You—" continued, but stopped when Thor stood.

"I object," Thor boomed loudly.

"Here we go," Loki grumbled beside him.

"What, Thor?" Odin growled, "What could you _possibly _have to object to at this point?"

"The defendant's name is Loki Odinson, Your Honor." Thor stated, surprised by his own conviction. "Laufey effectively disowned his child when he left him to die in the temple. The family who took him in, and raised him, is the one whose name he should bear." He paused to let this sink in, and then went on, "His name is Loki _Odinson_, not Laufeyson, and there's a large difference between the two. Perhaps the problem is that everyone, including Loki himself, has started to consider him Loki Laufeyson. Not the boy who grew up beside me, or constantly stood by and watched everyone praise _me, _or was willing to take steps to stop the coronation of a foolish king, or was willing to wage war on his own kin in the hopes that one day they would be considered his kin no longer. That boy was Loki Odinson. I beg you, do not let this other man, this Loki Laufeyson, be present at this trial. He is the true monster, and he is not the man who sits before you."

Loki let out a pent up breath, and Thor thought his lips might have trembled ever so slightly.

"You are…correct," Odin sighed, "The defendant shall be referred to as Loki Odinson. You may reclaim your seat."

Thor sat back down, quite satisfied with himself.

"Oh, now you're just stalling," whispered Loki.

"I made a valid point, brother." Thor replied.

"I'm not your broth—" Loki hissed, but Thor cut him off.

"Actually, it's just been proven in court that you are."

Loki growled slightly, and Thor shifted his attention back to Odin, who was saying, "—inciting riots, misusing magic, and attempted genocide. How do you plead?"

Thor cleared his throat. "Not guilty on the grounds of temporary insanity."

"I see," Odin said. "Make your case."

The next few hours were a blur to Thor, all he remembered was thinking _thank you Stark, thank you Stark, thank you Stark_ over and over. Loki was staring at him incredulously, and every time Thor made a particularly good point, his mouth would fall open slightly. Thor beamed. He had spent weeks on Midgard consulting with his good friend Tony Stark, who had pointed out every loophole and flaw that could be exploited in Loki's favor. In return, Thor had helped rebuild StarkTower, flinching whenever he looked at the large crater in the floor that had been made by Loki.

By the end Sif was red in the face, stuttering nonsense words. Heimdall was completely calm, but he seemed to look at Thor with equal measures of frustration and respect. As well as Thor had done, it was still a bit of a shock when Odin finally pronounced, "Loki Odinson has been deemed 'not guilty' on the grounds of temporary insanity."

Volstagg gave a small cheer from the audience, then realized that he was the only one, and quickly turned to glare at Fandral. "Do you not know it is improper to cheer in a courtroom?" he demanded of the blonde, who had been turned around in his seat talking with a woman and now looked utterly confused.

"He is sentenced to rehabilitation until he is deemed mentally fit." Odin continued, scowling at Volstagg. "Since it would be unfair to treat him any differently than Asgard's other prince, his punishment shall echo that of Thor's exile. He shall be made mortal and banished to Midgard until such time he proves himself worthy to walk through Asgard's great halls once more."  
Loki gaped. "Father, they'll kill me!"

"I have utmost faith in you, my son. Mortality will teach you humility." Odin replied smoothly.

"I shall be with you!" Thor cried, "Right, father?"

"Only in the event that your paths cross naturally. Stay with your Avengers. I will prepare you proper passage to Midgard after the banishment."

Loki gulped. "Father, I—wouldn't it be wiser—"

"I have already spared your life. Do not take that for granted, my son." Odin answered.

Loki mouthed, "Son?" but produced no actual noise. He was not banished with the fanfare that Thor had been. Heimdall put a hand on his arm and pulled him in the direction of the bifrost. Thor started to follow, but Odin stopped him.

"Surely you have seen that he can handle himself on his own? Come, we must attend to a few duties before you leave us once more."

Loki's first thought after landing on Midgard was _damn_ _my butt hurts_, followed by _I did not just think that. That thought will never be spoken of again. _He groaned and tried to sit up, but his wrists were still numb from the handcuffs and he only managed to lean forward slightly and then plop back down again. He really hoped nobody had seen that. Sighing, he opened one eye, and immediately closed it again at the sight of what looked to be a small country's worth of scientists and secret agents.

Loud footsteps walked their way up to his head. _I miss my helmet _he thought miserably.

A slightly static voice remarked, "Oh, goodie, another alien. I thought we were superheroes, not the border patrol! You have, like, less than two seconds to show me your green card."

Loki banged his head miserably against the ground. He knew that voice. "Stark, if that was some sort of sexual comment, I will castrate you."

Tony's sigh filtered out through the Iron Man speakers. "No, Loki, that was not a sexual comment, for once I made a totally clean joke and of course Captain Celibate isn't even here to be proud of me."

Loki opened his eyes again. "The captain is here," he scowled, staring at Rogers, who was busily conversing with an old man in a lab coat.

"Noooooo," Tony said slowly, "He's not here. He's all the way over there. That's, like, what? At least fifteen feet. No, by the time I got him, dragged him all the way over here, and told the joke again, the mood would be lost."

"Stark!" boomed Fury, "You gonna talk the man to death or are you gonna do something productive?"

"Well, _someone _isn't letting me build a cyborg rabbit, so here I am, chatting with my new pal." Tony replied accusatorily.

"You are not, under any circumstances, allowed to build a cyborg rabbit, and Loki is not your pal, is that clear?" Fury roared.

"You know, I think that may be the first time I've heard you say 'rabbit'. It sounded, um, well, weird. Do it again, but slower this time." Stark babbled.

"If you don't shut up, I'll let Loki go through with his threat to castrate you."

Barton popped in with a well-timed, "Stark already has no balls! Hey, Loki. You suck." He handed a paper to Fury. "Selvig needs this signed."

Without looking, Fury asked, "Does any of the small print involve selling my soul to the Devil?"

"No, sir, that's the large print. The small print involves transferring all the money from your bank account."

Fury snorted and signed it. "What am I actually agreeing to?"

"I think you just bought Selvig a new computer." Barton took the paper back and glared at Loki as he walked away.

"Whatever." Fury said tiredly. "Loki, _what _the hellare you doing here?"

Loki licked his lips. "I do not have any quarrel with you. I am here on orders from Asgard."

"Really?" Fury asked cynically. "Then I'm sure Thor would be happy to back you up on this. Where is he?"

"I don't…know," Loki admitted, then amended, "But he _is _coming!"

Fury tolled his eyes. "Stark, read him his rights."


	3. Chapter 3

"Umm, I feel like Loki probably doesn't _want _the right to remain silent." Tony argued.

Loki nodded quickly. "That's not a right! That's a restriction! I _told _Thor you were all crazy!" he braced himself to stand up and continued, "If anyone comes near me with that intolerable metal contraption, they _will _be bitten. Savagely."

Nobody listened to him. They had all drawn their weapons as soon as he made the move to stand and were now pointing them at various parts of him that were essential to his survival, except for Barton, whose bow was firmly trained on his—oh dear.

Chuckling quietly and shaking his head in amusement, Loki raised his hands up to shoulder level, in what he believed to be the mortal gesture of surrender. "You're all so jumpy," he teased, "It's as if you expect little old me to cause trouble."

"Since when did it become strange to expect trouble from the god of it?" a female voice behind him asked. _The Widow_. He felt the barrel of a gun touch the back of his neck. Thor had always described them as cold, but this one was very warm. Was it some sort of bluff? _It's warm because she fired it recently_ he realized, and lifted his surrendering arms a bit higher in alarm.

"What does a god have to do to surrender around here?" he demanded miserably.

"After that stunt you pulled in Germany, it's gonna take _a lot._" Fury stated.

Loki felt Natasha grab his right wrist and winced. She had a strong grip. She started to pull it down behind his back and then stopped.

"What is this?" she rubbed a thumb over Loki's chafed wrist and he hissed, "It's a wrist. Perhaps you've heard of them? Often associated with hands or arms?" He tried to pull his pained wrist away, but she held it still. _She's _strong! _When did she get that strong? _He mused, and then thought, _leverage, that's the key. She must have really, really, _really _good leverage. _He could almost feel her smirk burn into his back.

"You seem a bit…atrophied…since we last met," she commented.

"Daddy put you on Weight Watchers?" Hawkeye asked unhelpfully.

"If I explain, will you loosen your grip? Honestly, why do you feel the need to grip my _already injured _wrist _that tightly?_" Loki ground out.

Black Widow loosened her grip slightly. Loki took the hint.

"Firstly, I have been handcuffed for a _long _period of time and Asgardian handcuffs are sadistically undersized. I'm still not quite sure how they fit my wrists through them, I mean; it's like threading a needle with Mjolnir!

"Secondly, my strength and other godlike abilities may be a tad bit subdued for a while, a fact I would appreciate being taken into consideration. That means you, madwoman!"

The widow further loosened her grip, but it was still much too firm for Loki's liking.

Fury narrowed his eye. "Where's doctor Banner?"

The Captain, who had sprinted next to Fury when Loki first stood up, answered. "He's over with Jane. He said he'd wrap it up in a bit; he was just thanking her for her help in tracking this storm and apologizing for her disappointment when we found out it was Loki, not Thor."

"Story of my life," the god of mischief muttered bitterly.

Fury turned on his heel and walked briskly towards a large tent.

"Play nice," chided the assassin behind him, "That doesn't just mean no insults, it means no guilt trip as well."

"You know, your American accent is flawless. It's really quite remarkable; I could never master the hard 'r' sound myself." Loki complimented.

"Please don't try to distract me from the proper arrest procedures," she remarked crisply, before reciting, "You have the right to remain silent—"

"I don't _want _it!" he repeated vehemently.

"Do you hereby waive your Miranda rights?" she countered.

"What?"

"Sounded like a 'yes' to me. How about you, Stark?" The genius had been fiddling with his arm piece and replied, "Huh? Yeah. Sure," before going back to his previous activity.

"Clint," the Captain warned, "Everyone is entitled to due process of the law. If our system wasn't—"

"I will waive absolutely anything if he stops giving self-righteous speeches." Loki grimaced. The Captain closed his mouth, looking offended.

"Alright," Black Widow conceded, "your Miranda rights are waived."

Loki was about to open his mouth to ask what that actually meant when Fury reappeared with a small, nervous looking man Loki couldn't quite place.

The man cleared his throat. "Hi, Loki. I'm just gonna do a little examination to make sure your story checks out." He twitched forward, then halted and held his hands out soothingly. "I won't hurt you. Okay? I promise."

Loki frowned. Why was this man trying to placate him as if he were a spooked wild animal? Suddenly, he looked the man straight in the eyes, and realized who was speaking to him. He laughed.

"Do you really think your little display of brute strength was actually enough to give me pause? It was merely, as you would put it, 'the straw that broke the camel's back.' I was overwhelmed by a multitude of weak sources, and you just happened to be the last. I'm not actually _afraid _of you."

The doctor stopped and blinked up at him. "Did you call me," he asked as his voice deepened into a growl, "Weak?" Loki watched in horror as green started to flood into his eyes.

"No!" he protested.

The doctor took another step closer and leered. Loki backed up until he was standing on the Widow's toes.

"W-what I meant was, I, I, well, I—" he stammered, eyes widening.

"Cut it out, Bruce." Agent Romanoff scolded as she pulled her feet out from under Loki's.

The doctor grinned sheepishly, seeming once more like a small, unassuming mortal.

"Sorry," he apologized, "I'm sorry. That was a little extreme. I just had to test your true psychological condition. That was mean. I'm sorry."

Loki held his free wrist protectively in front of himself. "I'm not quite sure that it's my psychological condition we should be evaluating."

Dr. Banner shrugged. "Don't worry. That part's done. No more of the other guy. Just me. Just Bruce." He inched forward a bit with each sentence until he was standing before the banished god. Slowly, he reached for Loki's left wrist, giving him plenty of time to pull away. He gritted his teeth and allowed the doctor to examine his wrists.

After a moment, Banner announced, "He has ligature marks consisting with 24 to 48 hours of restraint."

"Is that so?" Fury asked derisively, "Sounds to me like he got what was coming to him."

Banner reached up with two fingers and rubbed behind Loki's jaw. He lifted the wrist and inspected it again, asking Loki to flex it and perform other menial tasks.

"He also appears to be healing at a normal _human _rate." Banner declared.

The Captain's eyes crinkled in either worry or confusion. "Loki…did you lose your magic?"

Loki let his face go blank. "What matters is whether I choose to use it, not whether I still have it. Seeing as how I haven't turned anyone into an ice cream cone yet, I'd say you ought to have rather good faith as to my intentions."

"Your neck muscles just stiffened." Black widow informed him.

"Yes, well seeing as they are currently in close proximity to a _lethal weapon, _you can't quite blame them," he retorted.

"Guns never bothered you before," she shot back.

"From what I've observed," Bruce interjected, "Loki heals his smaller wounds magically without even thinking about it. He heals them subconsciously, just like we keep our hearts beating subconsciously. The fact that Loki isn't involuntarily healing himself shows a massive decrease in and perhaps a total loss of power. My theory is that Loki has been banished."

"Aww, did widdle Woki get the Thor treatment?" Hawkeye taunted.

Before Loki could respond, the air in front of him crackled with blue energy before depositing a slightly ragged-looking Thor on the ground at his feet. Thor wiped off his cape, muttering something about Odin needing more practice. He straightened up and locked eyes with Bruce, who had been standing about three feet away from Loki. After surveying the assembled personnel, Thor boomed. "I am sorry for my lateness. Now, perhaps, we can get this all sorted out?" He gestured at Black Widow, who had pinned Loki to the ground with a knee on his back the moment the first blue sparks had appeared.

Thor's initial look of concern melted into amusement as he said, "It looks like I have arrived just in time to spare you the wrath of Lady Natasha."

Loki groaned through a mouthful of dirt.


	4. Chapter 4

After Thor had confirmed their suspicions that Loki was in fact powerless, they led him into a small jet that resembled the one they had used in Germany. This time, he was not only strapped into his seat, but also chained to the floor by his ankles. He appreciated the lack of restraints around his sore wrists.

Banner sat awkwardly in the seat beside him, turned sideways to face him.

"This is all just basic first aid," the doctor explained, "But it might as well be taken care of."

Loki hissed as some sort of alcohol was applied to a cut in his cheek.

"At least it gives you something better to do than…"

"…Smash?" Banner finished for him.

"I was going to say 'lose all control and become a liability to your team'." Loki replied smoothly.

Banner's eyes flickered to Loki's face for a second before returning to the cotton swab in his hand.

"Oh, did I hit nerve?" Loki snarled, hoping to enrage him quickly, before the rest of the team could take notice.

"Loki, I wouldn't have taken you for the kind of guy who tries the same, sad plan twice. You know what happens when I get mad. I fail to see how it could benefit you in the current situation." The doctor inhaled deeply and made a small coughing noise, as though unused to speaking in such a confrontational manner.

Loki leaned back and sneered. "And I thought you smart enough to know that the true intention of the god of lies is never obvious."

Dr. Banner lightly squeezed his left wrist. "Does that hurt?"

Thinking this to be part of the examination, Loki responded truthfully. "Yes, but I think the right one's worse."

Wrapping a bandage around Loki's raw left wrist, he replied, "This god of lies thing isn't really your strong suit, is it?"

Angrily, Loki snapped, "You tricked me!"

"Yes, and isn't that supposed to be _your_ thing?" the doctor finished with the last bandage and took the rest of his medical apparatus to a supply cabinet on the opposite end of the jet.

Loki had barely a minute to fume before Stark was upon him. Holding out a glass, the wretch grinned, "Let it be said that I am a man of my words."

"Don't you mean 'word'?" Loki sighed.

Stark frowned, "No, I'm pretty sure I've said more than one word, therefore; I am a man of my _words_. Drink."

Loki held the glass gingerly in his bandaged hands and eyed the clear liquid suspiciously. "What would you have me drink?"

Stark held out his own glass, filled with some sort of colored liquid. "_I'm _having brandy, and _you're _having mineral water. Gotta keep your puny mortal body hydrated and all."

He clinked he glass against Loki's and downed it all in one swallow. Loki sipped the water tentatively. "You took off the suit," he observed after a moment.

"Yeah," the man replied, confusion and doubt clear on his face, "So what?"

"Oh, it just makes things easier is all," Loki replied, leaning back in his surprisingly comfortable seat. He let his eyes wander to the glow in the middle of Stark's chest, a move which always made the man freeze up. As expected, Stark's face stiffened, and he followed Loki's gaze down to the arc reactor. Loki leaned forward conspiratorially.

"That's the reason I couldn't convert you."

"Yes," Stark replied, looking increasingly concerned about where this was going.

"It is of your creation."

"Yeah," he shrugged.

"I should like to examine it sometime," Loki whispered.

"Uh, well, that's going to be a problem because I sort of need it. In my body." Stark smirked.

"Pity," Loki drawled, "I was going to suggest you cooperate with me and in return, I shall let it stay in your chest while I study it, but I can see you're much too proud."

"Too proud?"

"To betray greater heroes in order to save your own life. And do not mistake me Stark, your life _is _in danger. You may want to put the suit back on before they get here."

"_Who?_" Stark breathed.

Loki raised an eyebrow, and he could feel victory within his reach. Stark was shallow, and so easily manipulated. "Who do you think?"

"I think," he started contemplatively, before bursting into laughter. "I think you're full of _shit!_ That was the most pathetic attempt at manipulation I have ever seen, and I talk to Nick Fury!"

"Stark…" Fury's voice admonished from the front of the jet.

"Well it's true, sir. You _suck_ at manipulation. I mean, really, it's just sad how much you— "

"Tony, close your mouth before something lethal accidentally gets in it." Agent Romanoff sighed.

"Tasha, on the other hand, is the freaking _master_." Stark concluded, before turning his attention back to Loki. "Anyway, you really think I haven't figured you out by now? I may be an idiot, but I'm a _genius _idiot."

"Genius idiot," Hawkeye repeated under his breath.

Stark glared and continued, "You want us to think that you're always on top. You always have a plan. You want everyone to think that you're two steps ahead when you're actually a whole lap behind! But you don't have a plan, nobody's coming for you, and I'd seriously consider trying to turn a new leaf like daddy asked 'cuz you're _not_ getting out of this one."

Loki glared at Stark during the awkward silence that ensued.

Finally, Thor sighed. "It is our father's wish that Loki is free to undergo a natural rehabilitation, such as I did."

"W-what?" Stark spluttered. "He really wants us to just- to just let him go?"

"Does he really look like much of a menace to you?" Loki was busily wiping at the water he had spilled on his tunic while Stark had been yelling. He glanced up automatically when he heard the word 'menace'. That usually applied to him.

"He _never _looked like much of a menace," Stark pointed out.

Loki scowled and continued wiping at his shirt. Odin wanted him _released, _did he? Loki could play this game.

Captain America spoke up. "He may be powerless, but he's still Loki. He's too dangerous to just set loose."

"He can't undergo natural rehabilitation in a prison cell!" Thor protested.

Banner, who had been content to fade into the background until this point, spoke up. "It's pretty obvious what we should do, then."

"What do you mean?" Thor was at his side in an instant, looking eagerly up at the doctor.

"Well, on one hand, we have to keep Loki off the streets. That's a given," he added uncomfortably as Thor's grip on Mjolnir tightened. "But we also want him to undergo a natural rehabilitation, which can't just _occur_ randomly while he's holed up in a cell. So we do both."

"Not that I'm questioning your intelligence, doctor," began Rogers, "But are you suggesting that we somehow imprison Loki while letting him wander freely through the world? Because I don't quite see how those two scenarios fit together."

"Utopia," the Widow remarked from up front, her voice colored with realization.

"Exactly." Banner replied.

"Utopia," Loki sounded out slowly, "Good idea. Looks like we're all in agreement. I'll just be going then."

"You have no idea what they're talking about." Stark sniffed.

"How do you know?" Loki asked morosely.

"Because _I _don't know what they're talking about, and I'm way smarter than you," the drunken man hiccupped in reply.

"Great, how much brandy has this guy had?" Barton groaned, trying to pull the glass out of Stark's fingers.

"Utopia," Steve repeated, hoping to get the conversation back on track, "You mean the mutant nation? Home of the X-Men?"

"Now you're getting it," Banner replied. "Do you know of the one X-Man? Danger?"

"Doesn't sound like much of a hero," Barton muttered.

"She's…well, she's new. So to speak." Banner elaborated. "Do you know how the X-Men used to train back in the old days?"

Hawkeye shrugged. "I look like a mutant to you?"

Stark opened his mouth to comment and Barton added, "Don't go there, Stark. How did the X-Men used to train?"

"They had an extraordinary room—the Danger Room. It simulated all sorts of environments and opponents for them. After they enhanced it with Shi'ar tech, the possibilities were endless. The Danger Room could make you believe you were any place, any time, for any reason. But, of course, these things never come without a catch."

"The catch being…?" Rogers questioned.

Loki fiddled with a loose button on his jacket and waited impatiently for more information. Soon enough, Romanoff picked up for Banner. "The Danger Room was too smart. It became sentient. Self-aware. There was nothing like that in its programming. Danger isn't just AI, she's a living, thinking being. She didn't take kindly to being 'enslaved' and ended up disobeying her programming. She attacked the X-Men. Somewhere along the line somebody apologized and there was fighting and they ended up making nice after all. Danger became a part of the team, and when all the mutants broke off to form Utopia, she was allowed along because, technically, she's a mutant."

"But what's that gotta do with Loki?" questioned the archer.

"Danger runs a criminal rehabilitation program in Utopia. She can still create powerful illusions, even tangible alternate realities. She explores the depths of a villain's mind while they are safely strapped to a chair." Banner concluded.

"So we can enter Loki into this program!" Steve snapped his fingers at the sudden realization. "He can't hurt people, but he can have a natural, full physiological rehabilitation."

Loki gaped. "I will be a prisoner inside my own mind!" he snapped. "I fail to see how this accomplishes anything."

Thor's head whipped in his direction. Surprisingly, it was Stark who posed the convincing argument. "Dude. Chill. The lady's a—hic—a professional. She won't—hic—she won't—hic—she w—hic—shewon'tmakeyoufeeltrapped !" he snapped drunkenly.

Thor nodded and Loki banged his head against the wall behind him. "This is acceptable. Although I would first meet this 'Danger' before turning Loki over to her."

"Oh, now I'm just a burden to be 'turned over'?" Loki fumed.

Stark patted his head mockingly. "You've always been a—hic—burden. We just never—hic—got the chance to turn you over to anyone before."

Rogers cleared his throat. "So how do we set up an appointment with this…Danger?"

"Uh-oh, I think the idea of another AI is making Private Ryan over here a little nervous. Also, if anyone's interested, I just figured out how to cure the hiccups," Stark piped up.

Barton snorted. "'Private Ryan.' Heh."

Rogers's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't under—"

"STARK!" Fury roared, having turned around to see what the billionaire was up to, "Did you just destroy the fire extinguisher?"

"Don't look at it that way; think of it as me _creating _a _hiccup_ extinguisher. Patent pending."

Banner spoke up. "One of the X-men is making a trip into San Francisco tomorrow. She agreed to pick up Loki and take him back with her."

Before anyone had a chance to question him, Black Widow explained, "Telepathy. You were communicating with Emma Frost, I assume."

"Yes, I was. She says we owe them one for this."

Fury sighed and talked into his comm. link, "Hill, schedule a pro-mutant press conference for sometime next week."


End file.
